The art of good communication 1260x542
16 Jul 2013

The art of good communication

1 mins to read
How we communicate impacts on the quality of how we experience the world. Kathryn Terrill explores how perfecting the art of communication can enrich the world around you everyday.


We all know what it is like when something comes out in a way we don’t mean, or we just don’t know how to tell someone a certain something. A world without misunderstandings or confusing interactions would be one I would certainly be putting my hand up for. Until that miraculously happens, it is worth adding some communication training to your repertoire. Here’s what’s worked for me.

I’ve always been a fan of a style of communicating called Nonviolent Communication or NVC as it is commonly known. NVC is based on cultivating ‘nonviolent’ ways to communicate which emphasise deep listening and compassion, rather than judgement, blame or criticism.

There are four parts to the process which involve both listening and speaking:
  • Observations
  • Feelings
  • Needs and
  • Requests
It is quite a simple process that encourages a new habit of interacting.

For example, if I have asked my partner to put the lid back on the toothpaste a hundred times and it has resulted in numerous angry outbursts, and feelings of being criticised, I might try a different tactic such as this.

‘When I see the lid off the toothpaste (observation), I feel frustrated (feeling) because I value sharing and respect in our relationship (need). Would you be willing to put the lid back on after using it so that it is not dry and messy when I use it (request)?’

In my experience, this style of communicating can feel unnatural at first, but from my experience it has been far more effective than saying something like ‘Why do you keep leaving the lid off the toothpaste? It is so annoying! I don’t know how many times I’ve asked you to stop doing it!’

Good communication can make our lives, and the lives of those around us, so much more peaceful and enriching. There are many great books and courses out there, so if you haven’t done so already, I suggest you get searching!


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