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31 Mar 2010

The art of saying ‘no'

2 mins to read
Ultimately, saying ‘yes' to everything tires you out. Author and health practitioner Jennifer Jefferies explains how to improve your well being by learning the delicate art of saying ‘no'.


Most of us are our own worst enemies when it comes to saying ‘yes' to everything that is asked of us. I can't tell you the number of people that I have treated over the years who felt overloaded, fatigued and resentful for having been put in situations where they've had to do things that they either didn't want to do or didn't have time to do.

The reality is that you create the situation by saying ‘yes' when you should have said ‘no'.  

You choose to forgo your own needs rather than having the courage to say ‘no'.

You choose to accept being overloaded rather than risk being thought of as selfish or inconsiderate. But have you ever thought about how unfair it is to say ‘yes' to someone and then feel angry at them for it? If you are going to say ‘yes', mean it, get your head around it and get on with life. If you are saying ‘yes' and meaning ‘no' then that is leading you to trouble.

There are enough stressors in life without creating new ones for yourself every time you are too afraid to say ‘no'. No one likes to disappoint or let anyone down, but in life it's a reality – the only question is whether you will choose to always let yourself down by never letting anyone else down.

It's time to show some respect for yourself and to start saying ‘no'. It doesn't mean that you are selfish or don't care; rather it demonstrates that you understand your limits and are realistic about what can be achieved given your time, resources and capabilities.

Respectfully saying ‘no' shows others that you are not willing to disappoint their expectations by promising more than you can give.

It's not only others that we must learn to say ‘no' to, we also have to learn to say ‘no' to ourselves when we're not acting in our own best interests. You might have experienced the ‘I'll just finish this one thing' syndrome, where you become so single-minded about your work that you neglect to look after the other areas of your life.

It usually strikes after 5pm on a weekday and every time you think ‘I'll just finish this one thing' another hour slides by with you still sitting at your desk – then you grab something fast and fattening to eat, or decide it's too late to go to the gym, that you're too tired to catch up with friends as planned and the ‘poor me' behaviours begin to creep in.

Negative emotions like the ‘poor me' suck the life out of you. It is generally unnecessary fear that stops us saying ‘no'.



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