Secrets to a happier life for men 1260x542
28 Mar 2014

Secrets to a happier life – for men

2 mins to read
In 1938, 267 Harvard College medical students enrolled in a study that would measure happiness throughout the course of their lives. The men were interviewed over four decades. The study’s aim was to identify key factors to a happy and healthy life.


For Harvard Grant Study director (1972-2004), Dr George Valliant, one man stood out. Godfrey Minot Camille was deemed early as a participant ‘unlikely to succeed in life’. He was a hypochondriac, and he was depressed.

But by age 35 or so, things changed for Camille. He developed tuberculosis and spent one year in hospital, giving him time to reflect. Once released, he became a doctor, married and had children. Camille’s coping style, hypochondria and the avoidance of emotional intensity, which previously kept people away and prevented him fostering close relationships, shifted.

As Valliant explains: this “was replaced by the still more empathetic involuntary coping mechanisms of altruism and generativity (a wish to nurture others’ development). He was now a functioning, giving adult.”

Camille also says that he learned to love – a lesson taught from his children. His professional life was fulfilling, he adds at age 75, but his real happiness came from evolving into a comfortable, joyful, connected and effective person.

“Connectedness is something we must let happen to us, and then we become solid and whole… only love can make us real… What durable and pliable creatures we are.”

We are capable of change, he says – of turning our lives around dramatically.

As his son remarked following Camille’s death at the age of 82: “He lived a very simple life, but it was very rich in relationships.”

Other predictors of happiness, as identified by the Harvard Grant Study:

  • Warm, intimate relationships – and the ability to foster them in maturity – predict flourishing in men’s lives.
  • Success in relationships is linked to financial success, and strong mental and physical health.
  • Love, though not necessarily romantic love is the most important influence on a flourishing life.
  • A mature coping style, that does not push love away, is similarly important.

Did you know?
A study of over 15,000 people by researcher Dr Matt Killingworth, also a Harvard graduate, found that mind wandering reduces happiness.

This includes mind wandering that happens when we do things we don’t love, such as commuting.

Dr Killingsworth’s research examined 22 activities. He found our minds wander:

  • 65 per cent of the time, when we’re taking a shower
  • 50 per cent of the time, when we’re working
  • 40 of the time, when we’re exercising
  • 10 per cent of the time, when we’re having sex

“We found that people are substantially less happy when their minds are wandering that when they’re not, which is unfortunate considering we do it so often,” he says.

Though some degree of min wandering is unpreventable, learning to do this less often could improve the quality of our lives, he says.

Dr Killingsworth says: “If we learn to fully engage in the present, we may be able to cope more effectively with the bad moments and draw even more from the good ones.”




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