Libido and sex after birth: what’s normal?

Libido levels and when it feels right to engage in sexual activity again after birth is a hot topic for most new mums. But it isn’t something that is always freely discussed unless you feel completely comfortable with the mums in your mothers’ group or have close friends who have also had babies.

A lot of fear is associated with women engaging in intercourse particularly in the early postpartum period. Perineal stitches, traumatic births, and the hormonal changes of the breastfeeding mother are often causes for this hesitation. Add in sleep deprivation, exhaustion, stress, and body image issues and it’s easy to not feel in the mood!

And what about your partner? Most of us assume that their sexuality doesn’t change anywhere near as much as our own. After all, they’re not the ones who have pushed out a baby! But new research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine has uncovered that the sexuality of the partners of new mothers goes through ups and downs just as that of the mothers does.

The study showed that a partner’s low sexual desire was mostly influenced by fatigue, stress and the amount of available time rather than factors related to the birth or the mother.

Discussing your feelings of intimacy honestly with your partner may reveal their sexual desire is not as high as you thought it was and may help ease the feelings of guilt (if there are any).

It is completely normal and very common for the woman to experience low libido for several months after birth. One of the main “purposes” for sex is to reproduce and this very thought may be terrifying for some women resulting in a significant decline in their libido. Also in breastfeeding mothers it is normal to feel like you need a break from being intimately connected to someone after having a baby suckling all day long.

Women needn’t feel alone in this or pressured to resume sex before they are ready. rel="noopener noreferrer" A recent Australian study showed that most women don’t resume sexual activity until at least 6 weeks after the baby is born. The results show that 41% of women attempted vaginal sex by 6 weeks postpartum, 65% by 8 weeks, and 78% by 12 weeks. By 6 months this figure increased to 94%.

Women who had an operative vaginal birth, caesarean section, episiotomy or perineal tear were more likely to delay resumption of sex for longer. In this study around 10% of women will achieve a vaginal birth with an intact perineum, it is reasonable to say that waiting to resume sex is normal. The study also found that women aged 30-34 years were significantly less likely to have resumed vaginal sex compared with younger women by 6 weeks. 

Accepting that your sexual relationship will go through some changes in the several months following your baby’s arrival and discussing it openly with your partner will help ease any tension, concerns and guilt. It might help to know that if you are experiencing low libido after birth that you are not alone and is in fact quite normal! Listen to your body, be gentle on yourself, and trust that your sexual relationship with your partner will eventually resume when you have both settled into your new life as parents.