Throughout the 40 or so weeks of pregnancy, most women focus on the birth experience – with good reason. Safely delivering a healthy baby is, at the end of the day, the overall priority of conception.
But sometimes this all-consuming birth focus leaves little or no room for what happens once the baby is out!
This is a scenario that faces a lot of new parents, and fortunately there are a few simple survival techniques that can be quickly put in place to make parenting more enjoyable and a little less shocking.
From the moment you give birth, people will advise you on the best way to raise a child. From bathing to breast-feeding to settling – everyone has a different opinion. Despite good intentions, too much (often conflicting) advice can cause angst and uncertainty, so it’s best to choose a few reliable sources and stick with them.
Health professionals like midwives, paediatricians and nurses are, particularly in the days and weeks after birth, a critical source of expert information. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and take advantage of your time in hospital or during visits to community health care centres.
Support offered by mother’s groups can also be invaluable in the first few months, but be wary of direct comparisons of baby behaviour – each child is individual and there will be vast differences as well as common experiences.
Be discerning about whom and what parenting advice you take onboard from family and friends. People whose parenting style you admire and those you share common beliefs are often be the best fit.
Your mother-in-law, aunt or grandmother may have successfully raised a large brood of children but it won’t necessarily mean their advice will work for you or your baby.
We live in an online world where information is readily accessible. Dr Google can be both a helpful and hazardous place to seek parenting guidance. Always be mindful of the credibility of information and check any health care advice with an expert in the field before implementing.
For a more old fashioned approach, there are endless books on the subject of baby care but rather than overwhelming yourself (particularly at the start) select a handful of credible publications rather than dozens to refer to. Robin Barker’s Baby Love has been updated several times since its first publication in 1994 and is often recommended to parents by healthcare professionals as a good reference tool for a wide range of baby care issues.
Although every newborn is different, most first-time parents are aware that their sleep will be interrupted and life will change. What often comes as a shock is just how physically draining feeding and looking after a helpless little person 24/7 can be.
Fatigue, if not managed, can affect parental health and wellbeing along with a child’s safety so it’s critical that coping strategies are put in place from the outset.
In the days, weeks, and months after a newborn’s arrival don’t try to maintain your pre-baby routine or schedule. Babies younger than six months often sleep in short bursts - usually between one to four hours, waking to be fed and for a bit of TLC.
Making the most of the baby’s rest time is vital. Take the opportunity to sleep when baby is sleeping (day and night) whenever possible. Household chores and visitors can take a back seat until you and your little bundle of joy get a little more comfortable with each other. Although sleep deprivation is all part of the parenting deal you can ease the burden by being a little self-centred about the limited down time you do have.
In his book, Baby on Board: Understanding what your baby needs, experienced neonatologist, Dr Howard Chilton, says breastmilk is “the best nutrition money can’t buy,” and the women that tend to do it well and easily are those that never consider they won’t be able to.
Breast-feeding success in the early days is aided greatly by a mother’s self-belief along with calm and relaxed approach. Yet breast-feeding is a skill that, for most, takes a little time and practice to master. Simple things like ensuring you are in a comfortable position and presenting the breast before baby is screaming and tense will help relax both you and baby and encourage better attachment techniques.
Making sure you meet the body’s slightly increased energy demands placed on it by lactation is valuable to maternal health. Eating a healthy, balanced diet aided, if necessary, by a pregnancy and breast-feeding multivitamin containing essential nutrients such as iodine and B vitamins, is also important.
But despite best breast-feeding efforts, sometimes things don’t go to plan, which can cause great distress. But, take heart. Experts agree above all else a rested, happy mother is the most vital element of early parenting success. If that means bottle-feeding a baby then do it. Like many parenting choices, breast or bottle-feeding is an intensely personal decision made for the mutual benefit of mother and child.
Becoming a parent is an all encompassing and life-changing event. You’ll have wonderful days and others you may prefer to forget. During tough periods, of which there will inadvertently be, try to be kind to yourself.
Although too much of a good thing can be a problem, if you feel you’re not coping, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Family members, friends, neighbours, child and healthcare professionals can be critical in the early days when there seems to be an overwhelming amount to do and learn.
And don’t underestimate what the odd facial, haircut, massage or even walk around the block can do to lift diminishing energy levels and dwindling spirits!
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References available on request