How to beat break-up stress (and break up better)
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Breaking up with someone you love can send a hailstorm of stress into your emotional and physical worlds. Rosie Brogan speaks to Relationships Australia about how to have a ‘healthy break-up’.
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- How to beat break-up stress (and break up better)
Rosie Brogan [RB]: What is the impact of a break up on our physical and mental health?
Relationships Educator with Relationships Australia, Denise Reichenbach [DR]: It’s a big impact. A lot of people don’t eat well, they don’t sleep and they might take up drinking or smoking to cope with the unbearable pain they feel, which is similar to grieving someone we’ve lost through death.
It can also involve confusion – we might be forgetful, for instance. We can find it hard to look after ourselves, because in our culture it can be seen as something selfish – but in reality, caring for your emotional and mental health is the same as making time to go to the doctor when you have the flu.
RB: How can we best look after ourselves during the stress of a break up?
DR: Acknowledge all of the emotions that come with the break up. And know that you are supposed to feel sad. Research into break ups reports that we go through stages of loss when we break up with someone. It can be helpful know that you’re supposed to feel like that, to feel low, for a while. Acknowledge that grieving takes time, and it does hurt.
Expressing your feelings and your grief, crying, writing things down, letting it out – all of these are important. As is asking for support. Don’t try and be really strong and go through things alone. Admit that it’s a vulnerable time and you’re feeling sad, and that’s okay.
It’s also good to engage in something that takes us back into the world and connects us with others, and that can be a form of exercise – or anything that we enjoy so that we can find ourselves again.
Also reflect. Take the time to be alone and ask yourself: what was it in the relationship that went wrong? What was it that I did? What was it that my partner did?
Use that time when you’re single to reflect and to learn from the past. This is a necessary part of healing. Break ups can be opportunities for growth.
RB: What habits exacerbate break up stress?
DR: Trying to win your partner back if he/she’s made it quite clear that things are over for them. This only prolongs the grieving and the healing process.
RB: And, to summarise, what the essential ‘must dos’ for a healthy break up?
DR: Acknowledge that the feelings are there, connect with friends and family or with a counsellor, and slowly try and find your own footing again. Really look after yourself.
Relationships Australia offer nationwide counselling services – visit relationships.org.au for more information and support.
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