If the busyness of everyday life and multitasking in roles like mother, partner, career woman, carer and student have corresponded to a libido nose dive, then sex therapist Dr Berman may have some answers. She’s an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Obstetrics/Gynaecology at the Feinberg School of Medicine, Northwestern University in Chicago and is also the author of Real Sex for Real Women. Read on for a few of Dr Berman’s top tips for revitalising your love life.
De-stress and take care of yourself
According to Dr Berman, feeling anxious or rushed can create a build-up of the hormone cortisol, inhibiting testosterone and impacting on your sexual interest.
Taking care of your body with regular exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep and relaxation techniques such as yoga and meditation are all important steps towards maintaining a healthy sex life.
Make your relationship and sex a priority
If you have a hectic schedule taken up by work, study, looking after the kids and spending time with the family, it’s easy to let your sex life slip by the wayside, which is why Dr Berman suggests making date nights.
If your relationship is a little past the honeymoon stage, spontaneity might need to be replaced by a little practicality. Get out of the house and enjoy some quality time together – and make sure you leave any talk about kids, mortgage or chores at home.
Let go of negativity about your sexuality
For some women, negative messages about your sexuality (e.g. “sex is not something nice girls do”), even though they may have occurred decades ago in school, could be preventing you from enjoying a fulfilling sex life.
If this is the case for you, Dr Berman suggests keeping a journal to uncover your attitudes to sex. From here create a list of goals (e.g. “I want to be more uninhibited”) and what you see as the things preventing you from reaching them (e.g. feeling uncomfortable naked). Take action on your goals but if you continue to struggle, Berman suggests seeking professional support (e.g. from a sex therapist).
Give your bedroom a sensual make-over
If your bedroom is also home to the TV, computer and piles of laundry, it might be in need of a make-over to create a relaxing, sensual haven. Dr Berman suggests luxurious, silky bedding fabrics. You might want to consider something a little more sensual for yourself as well.
Did you know?
- An American survey published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) found that 43% of adult women experienced some kind of sexual dysfunction (e.g. lack of interest in sex, inability to achieve orgasm).
- The JAMA study also reported sexual dysfunction more likely in those with poor physical and emotional health.
- Many aspects of health can affect your libido, from life changes such as menopause, pregnancy and breastfeeding to health problems (e.g. hypothyroidism) and medications (e.g. some anti-depressants and blood pressure medicines). Relationship issues can also have an impact.
Supplements to ease stress
Supporting the adrenal glands and nervous system (two key areas in the body’s physical response to stress), may also help in the quest to de-stress. Herbs to consider include withania, Siberian ginseng, oats and rhodiola.
Nutrients such as magnesium and vitamins C, B5 and B6 are also required for adrenal gland and nervous system functioning. Keep a focus on these in your diet and consider a supplement if you feel you need an extra boost.
Berman L. Real sex for real women. New York: Dorling Kindersley, 2008
JAMA. 1999;282(13): 281:537-544
Other references available on request